You’re awesome. You deserve better. You deserve a happier life.
I have a message for the really nice people today, the ones who go out of their way to help everyone else, who exhaust themselves doing for others, but never seem to make time to care for themselves, who worry about everyone else’s feelings and needs, while ignoring their own.
You’re awesome. You deserve better. You deserve a happier life. You deserve to have your needs taken care of, too. We are only promised one life on this big, blue planet of ours and you, my friend, with all the good that you do for all of those around you, you deserve to have good things, too.
Take a look at the list below and see how many boxes you can check.
Trauma is a big word and can be triggering for some.
Some of you know exactly what I mean with this list, though. You know what traumatized you when you were a kid. Perhaps you’ve done some work on it. At the same time, you’ve clung to these behaviors because a lot of them are seen as your strengths and they have helped you to feel better about yourself over the years.
Some of you don’t like that word trauma at all and you certainly don’t like me bringing your childhood into it. You don’t want to even begin to think anything bad about your parents or your upbringing. Or maybe you figure that you’ve moved past it. You’re a much better person than your parents.
Maybe your parents weren’t physically abusive. Maybe they spanked you, but you deserved it, so you don’t think that caused any trauma.
Maybe your parents didn’t spank you at all.
Maybe you grew up in a household where love was conditional. If you didn’t do the right thing, say the right thing, if you didn’t tend to your parent(s) needs first, then you didn’t get love.
That would be traumatic.
Maybe you were taught that no matter what you did, no matter how good you were, you would never be quite good enough.
That would be traumatic.
To survive, to get the love you needed, you would have learned that people-pleasing was the most important thing that you could do. Of course you would have feared abandonment – love was conditioned on you meeting someone else’s needs. You would have learned to ignore your own needs so that you could attend to the needs of your parent because you needed your parent in order to survive. You would have learned that you needed outside approval to survive. You would have been living on alert – alert to the needs of your parent(s), because without that parent’s needs being met, you wouldn’t get love and you wouldn’t survive.
That would have become your norm. You would do all of that without even thinking about it because that’s just what you do. And you wouldn’t think about it unless or until you got really, really tired of it and wanted a change.
Maybe you lost one or more people that you really loved when you were a child. They died, moved away, rejected you, or stopped coming around. It could be a parent, but it could also be a grandparent or other relative.
It taught you that you could be abandoned. It taught you to cling to love really, really tightly, to hold onto someone no matter what, even people who couldn’t love you back. It taught you to chase love, and to chase it in people who run from you, rather than in people who can return it to you.
When you’re tired of living like this, let me know. I can help.
In the meantime, my friend, I want you to remember something:
You’re awesome. You deserve better. You deserve a happier life. You deserve to have your needs taken care of, too. We are only promised one life on this big, blue planet of ours and you, my friend, with all the good that you do for all of those around you, you deserve to have good things, too. It’s true. You really, really do.
Take good care of yourself,